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In her newly released memoir, This is far: my love, loss and embrace gentle storyThis skilled dancer is her writer. “It revealed how she navigated the emotion and consequences of Stephen's choice, guided the sadness of their three children, and managed a goodwill public at the same time. In one chapter, her proficiency and private life. “

The boss committed suicide in December 2022. Ellen Degeneres Joint producer, CytyCD Alum and long -term DJ have been 40 years. The 36 -year -old Holker and Boss (BOSS) died in 2013. The couple shared the 16 -year -old Weslie, the 8 -year -old Maddox and the 4 -year -old ZAIA.

In the memoir, Holk introduced the mental health and despair struggle of the husband in detail, as well as his so -called psychological state, and his dying day.

from This distanceEssence

Holker (Holker Shoe boxEssence

She claimed that she found that the boss “looked” a suicide hotline before dying. He wrote that he “looked” in 2022 in the summer of 2022, a few months earlier than his death.

Hallk wrote: “I may not find evidence of his mobile phone to make a decision.” “I dare to be sure, he even felt a variety of shame because he was looking for quantity.”

In her guidance, Hallk recalled her husband's determination to be on how to perform the journey of Ayuye, “facing the pressure of his father, trying to cope with the characters without a father in his personal life and dealt with his abandonment emotions.”

Consistent with Holker, the professional knowledge of the boss's spiritual beverage began to “make a very strange flip.”

She said: “As a choice of persistence, he is determined to chop the journey.” Never end the complete course.

Holk wrote: “Since then, I found that for people with basic mental health, Ayahuasca may have an ingrained problem.” “If you may not have closed supervision, it may be possible These points will be burn. The final result may be the alternative method of means.

Consistent with Holker, the boss's behavior is “completely different”, and the dancer wrote: “Just like he wakes up in a defect in the mattress every day.”

Holk opened the way about the conclusion in her guide Ellen Degeneres It is said to have affected her husband's mental health. From 2014 to May 2022, BOSS is DJ and government producer.

Hallk said that now her husband is not unemployed after the end, but his building every day has been modified. She believes that this gives him a house “around” in the “dark corner of his thoughts”.

“Because he didn't have unemployment, I don't think the top of the current is unstable. He has no job slowing. We have a lot of tasks in the pipeline. However, this does lead to Stephen's daily work,” she recalled. “In the past 9 years, the construction and rhythm of his days have now been given. Uncertain timetable, Stephen has extra time spent in his mind.”

Holker said that the boss's struggle for despair was “hiding”, and her writing “may need to be ignored” indicator. Holker is famous again. She did find the index of her husband's “mental state deterioration”. His work said that he was similar to “irritability, insomnia, reducing weight, lack of vitality, and not interested in work and partners. Influence on the signs of your partner and pleasant interest “. transparent

Holk continued: “He is more and more excuses or reasons without excuses or not doing anything.” “I will find a title later: AnHedonia, which is a typical symptom of despair.”

Like Holk, the boss struggled with his “private hygiene”.

She wrote: “I might find himself begging him to take a bath,” when I believe he was too drainage to take care of himself correctly. Now, I do know that ignoring self -care is a traditional despair signal. ”

Holker described the boss in detail the use of the use of marijuana within a few months of the main month, and his “weird behavior”, smoking earlier than his suicide.

Holker -She revealed that the boss encountered controversy The so -called drug use -Chito, the boss is in “almost fixed excessive state” when he dies.

She wrote: “I didn't know that Stephen's smoking was accumulated until I was investigating our yard's safety camera.” “He was smoking in the morning and evening. , Then come back from that character at night. ”

Holk claims that the boss is even in this set Ellen degeneres, However, capable of covering it.

“No one knows in my data. He is actually good at hiding it,” she said. “If I realize his degree, I may immediately enter the protector mode.”

Holker is famous, she will not hesitate to get the remedy of the boss, but wrote that although he would be prepared, it was obvious that this was not what he wanted.

She said: “After all, he needs to adapt to this, and Stephen's behavior shows that he obviously does not need me or anyone else's assistance.” “He has taken too much measures to ensure that no one doubts that something is something is what is. No. ”

Consistent with Holker, the night when he died, she obtained the text content with “tree emoji” from her husband, and pointed out that they used emoticons to notice that the boss wanted to go to the cannabis. She said that soon after she got information about the name of the mobile phone from him.

“He didn't stay long after leaving. He called me and it sounded very scared. He said that he was actually overly too much, which was completely different for him.” She said. “This is not a strange conversation. I will never realize his behavior. Smoking usually makes Stephen, especially soft, not paranoia. I was not sure what to do.”

Holker said that the boss “performed extremely unusual” when he returned home, claiming that he repeatedly told her: “I lie.”

“I ask him to ask a question, but he is very discomfort. I will always be affected by these two phrases: I lie.

“He apologized for the weird behavior of the morning and evening. I defined how worried he made me do, and asked him to lie,” Holk said. “He claimed that he didn't remember this. He apologized again and turned the dialog box to work.”

In the prelude to her memoirs, Hallk reflected her death in the anniversary journey where her boss went with her boss. Holker and the boss married on December 10, 2013. The latter died three days after the 9th anniversary of December 13, 2022.

Hallk said that her husband gave her a “attractive black Proda swimsuit” on the anniversary gift and pointed out that this was a “significant departure” of different gifts he gave her now.

Holk wanted to know if her husband bought a luxurious product to hold a funeral again.

“Did he buy me a black Prada swimsuit, so is it pleasant to participate in the funeral clothes?” She wrote. “If he did this, is it incurable romanticism or the last gesture of the past view of the past?”

If you or someone you know is to fight despair, or the idea of ​​hurting yourself or committing suicide, AssistEssence National prevention of suicide hits (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7 for 24/7, free, provides confidentiality and confidentiality for individuals in pain.

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